and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
