So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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