Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
