I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Operation Purity has been aborted
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
