i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
