The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
