I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
