Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
