I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize