yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
