me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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