I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you win again, gameday.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
