dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
