i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
