I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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