i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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