Whod you bang
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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