someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
