Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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