I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
