My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
