She's JV to your varsity
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
