I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
