I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She's JV to your varsity
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
