Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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