Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
