listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
