idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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