I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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