I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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