I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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