She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
