I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I am one with the molecules
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
