shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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