her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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