Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
