a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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