I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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