Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
tell me about the fingering
Randomize