some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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