Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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