I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
