Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize