My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
