How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
