When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
