Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
