? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
