So drunk its hurt
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
