In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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