I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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