he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
