She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
