just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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