this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
