3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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