Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
