We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
