And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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