as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
