The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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