you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
