Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
