grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
