Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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