dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
