I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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