Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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