Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
