I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
