Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
