i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
