Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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