Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sorry my hands just texted you
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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