please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
