I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
