She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
