yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
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