so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
