if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
