My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
