so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
