If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
