I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
