Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I party with great urgency now.
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