how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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