she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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