The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
