There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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