now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize