two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
