ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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