It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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