i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
