Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
