never play flip cup with pint glasses
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
