i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
