it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dignity is for republicans.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize